maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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