Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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