If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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