If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
