i think my tv is drunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
