it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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