Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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