is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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