During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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