I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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