go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
