We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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