I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
