found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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