no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
