Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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