Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
