it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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