its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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