i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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