I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
