feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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