I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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