remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
