What a fucking waste of an outfit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
