in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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