Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
