problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
