Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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