i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
