There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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