He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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