I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
