I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
