why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
