So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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