So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
