Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
