I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
