two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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