So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
