Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
