When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
