i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
