I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
