Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
