guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
