Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Found your dick twin last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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