we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have fence marks all over my body
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
