my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
