she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
