After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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