she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
